Stay away from me with your drugs and alcohol, I'm not going backward anymore. It's time for me to move forward, to live again. To accept myself as I am.



I will fight the good fight. I will not get myself all worked up, and shout upon deaf ears. I will let my actions, and the way I am living speak for me.



I will not go into battle alone, I have the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords on my side. The battle is already won! He will never leave me nor forsake me.



And HE is everywhere I tell ya'! EVERYWHERE!

Be Blessed All,
PJ

Here comes the sun!
Here comes my son!
Beautiful boy!
Soon, very soon!
It's all been sooooo worth it!
Thank-you Jesus!



Be Blessed All,
PJ
P.S. Don'tcha just love some Billie Holliday!!!

I am celebrating today, because out of a bad situation, I have learned many valuable lessons. Normally, I wouldn't have given myself time to think, pray, and grow through a trial such as this, but this time I did take the time and it was so worth every minute! I have no doubt that God supplied me with everything I needed to get me through this time in my life. The physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Be Blessed All,
PJ

I love this song, and the words seem fitting for what's been happening in my relationship with Jeremy.

Had a bad dream last night.

I went for my ultrasound yesterday and I'm ready to deliver anytime now. So I did find myself missing Jeremy a bit.
I'm not one for remembering dreams, but this one was horrible. I thought I'd forgiven Jeremy. Maybe this dream was just a warning and a reminder of just how bad things really were.

I sappose to forgive, but not forget, is the best thing for me right now.

It just would've been nice if we could've worked things out before the baby came. Hell, it would've been nice if he wouldn't of fell apart on me to begin with!

I don't know the reason behind everything that happened, only God knows. So I will just keep doing what I've been doing. Staying away. Waiting, praying, and taking care of myself and my boys!

Whew! That's a load outta my head!

Be Blessed All,
PJ

No man's gonna steal my joy!

The first time I heard this song, was in my mom's van with all 3 boys in the back, along with as many trashbags of our things that I could stuff in around them. It was 99' and I was leaving because I'd made such a mess of my life, our lives, by using drugs and drinking.

I was running.

It didn't work.

I came back not to long after, and we got back together. It lasted a couple more years, then I left again. Nothing was changing, because I wasn't changing. In those 3 yrs. that we were apart, I didn't know that while, I was healing, getting better. You were falling apart. You hid your illness well Jeremy, just like I used to.  What did I expect, you learned from a pro.

But sooner or later, as with anything, the truth shows itself. What we think and feel in our hearts and minds will always come to surface eventually. Our disease when in active use, cannot and will not be contained for any length of time.

I've been to several re-habs, jails, hospitals, and meetings. You know all of this. None of it really worked for me. Maybe I wasn't ready then, I don't know. But I can tell you this, God worked. And IS working. He can do anything Jeremy, reach out to HIM. That's not to say that 12step programs don't work, they do. What I am saying is that ANYTHING is possible with God, and that's what worked for me.

Surrender everything to Him. EVERYTHING! You have to let it all go, every bit of it, holding NOTHING back. And let God rework you from the inside out! You'll probably feel lost for a while, I know I did. But as you put your faith into Him, and begin to heal, those empty spaces will be filled with the things of Jesus. And you won't feel so alone anymore. You never really were Jeremy, He's always been there for you.

God's not hard to find. We are.

I'm loving you and praying...

PJ

P.S. Would everyone sign my guestbook please, I've turned it into a prayerbook. Thank-you, we need powerful prayer round' here!